Signs That You're Awesome: Part 1

*based on true events*

If you are walking down the street with a stuffed nose and you plug one nostril to snort your snot all over the sidewalk in front of you....Let's face it, with our garbage dumps getting out of hand, resisting the urge to waste precious commodities (ie. Kleenex) is paramount and must never be forgotten. Oh strange man from my walk home, you are awesome.


Similarly, if you are on a crowded bus where people are literally packed in to the point of being unable to move and you feel the need to, not only cough, but hork up phlegm like there's no tomorrow with reckless disregard for those in your vicinity.....how can I be expected to deal with all the great and awesome people around me on my trips to and from work? Thank you ma'am, for showing me not only how to be awesome, but how to revel in my own femininity.


If you feel compelled to "shush" a book seller at the local bookstore while they're helping another customer because it's disrupting your reading of materials you have not yet paid for.....If it has books then obviously it should be like a library. I mean, it's not like it's a store or a place of business or anything. Thank you for blazing new trails in appropriate retail establishment behaviour. You, kind sir, are awesome.


If you arrive at the checkout with a stack of books not yet having decided what you wish to purchase, thereby holding up a lengthy line customers behind you for several minutes while you decide.....awesome. Double points if it's Christmas Eve


If you and your spouse drop your children (ages 3 and 7) off at the local bookstore in the kids section while you disappear for a romantic day on the town...you are a shining star in the sky of parenting; something to which all parents can aspire. The sun around which the universe of parenting revolves. Instilling independence early is key. Babying them will teach them nothing. You, my idols, are awesome.


If you propose to a cashier that they give you a refund now for the $300 atlas you bought weeks ago but you didn't bring with you (it's heavy, you know. You'll bring it by some other time...when...uh...it loses some weight?) and get angry when you're refused, asking "What? Don't you trust me?"......what is the world coming to when complete and total strangers haven't established some sort of deep bond of trust with you? Thank you sir for reminding us of the good hearted nature this world has lost. Your determination to be trusted is unparalleled and for that, you are awesome.


If the cashier helping you has to repeatedly draw your attention to the fact that your 3 yr old son keeps wandering dangerously close to the exit (which empties onto the busiest intersection in the city) AND has to snap you into reality when your child is taking a pee all over the floor directly in front of you.....you are AWESOME! It's remarkable how some people can manage to be the best parents in the world without even paying the slightest bit of attention to their kids. I guess it's just natural for some people.


and the finale...


If you are incredibly passionate about the in-stock position of a particular title to the point where it moves you to yelling at book store staff....You are truly awesome, the epitome of class and the light of my life.

The details of this incident would be better explained by an excerpt from a recent email I sent out. The recipient requested that it be posted in our next blog:

I was called to the front desk in my store to do some management "talk-the-customer-off-the-ledge-before-we-take-her-out-back-and-beat-her-within-an-inch-of-her-life" kind of service. It would appear that this customer, a woman no less (now I know the types that are giving us a bad rep), was livid beyond all reason because not only did we not have the book in stock that she wanted, BUT we had the audacity to not even have it on order. *sigh* So, I launched into explaining how even though it's a new title, there are millions of books and we can't possibly keep them all in stock in all of our stores all of the time, blah blah blah. Finally, only barely resisting the urge to jersey her and kick her out the front door, I looked it up for myself.................it was a self help book................for anger management. It was all I could do to not laugh at the sheer irony of it all. I can tell you that I was VERY sincere in my efforts to get her this book ASAP since it was quite clear she was in desparate need of whatever wisdom it could possibly impart.


and the encore

If you wait 2 1/2 months to update your blog....YOU ARE AWESOME!!!! :o)