F.E.E.L.I.N.G. C.A.L.L.E.D. L.O.V.E.

I was just going through some of my old files on the computer when I came across a particularly entertaining one I thought was worth sharing, but first some background.

For those of you who don't know or are in denial, women really can be idiots sometimes (not that men can't, but there's no point in stating the obvious :p ). The one thing we are particularly notorious for is having a guy as a friend who is interested in us but for whom we do not have those feelings (or for whom our crush on his friend is stronger). Inevitably over time a slight interest builds, likely due to the fact that the guy practically worships us (a VERY temporary phase, sadly) and yet we still continue to say no to dating this guy. Now, this guy eventually either gives up hope or has a friend who talks some sense into him so he moves on. However, he does not really tell the first girl this 'cause there's still some lingering interest and it's weird....at least, until he's officially dating someone else. Inevitably, this is when the first girl decides that she really was interested and is now QUITE traumatized about how this all played out.

This exact thing happened to a friend of mine recently. Luckily she is one of the few of my gender that is capable of seeing when she's being silly and is very good at making fun of herself. We discussed how you can just never find the right Hallmark Card for this kind of occasion....so we wrote some.

So, for all you guys who have been in this position and all those girls who have been silly enough to do this to yourself, here is a little something that'll hopefully give you a bit of a laugh. Afterall, relationship troubles aren't all bad...they can be entertaining! :o)


(Front of card....middle of card)


"We are all searching for that warm, sensitive person to love....I'm not sure you're the one but when I'm willing to give you a shot, I'll let you know. Check your email often for updates"

"I've been waiting my whole life for a torrid love affair....you've been selected as a possibility. Feel free to convince me of your attributes"

"Loving you.........is a possibility. Be patient and we'll see"

"Someday if you're hot enough, I may seduce you...you may start counting the days now"

"Would it be wrong to end a friendship....if it meant you got to shink** me?"

*** 'shink' is a word my friends and I made up to refer to sex without being either uber serious or uber crass...just roll with it.***

"I've been waiting my whole life to find someone like you......maybe."

"You seem great.....would you mind waiting around while I figure out if that statement is significant to me"

"You seem like a great guy....I don't want another girl to sink her claws in so please wait for further instruction"

"I love the way you chase me.....please continue while I decide if I actually love you"

"You'd be perfect....if you didn't look like an ex."

"Let's be exclusive....well how about you exclusively think about me, and I'll get back to you on that one"

"You're a half-decent kisser...let me check and see if you're worth training"

"I don't know what I want....but I recommend waiting around to see if it's you"

"I'm totally attracted to your buff body......please stay tuned for whether I am attracted to the rest of you"

"You have been so sweet and patient....please continue to do so"

"I like having a boy want me....so keep up the good work"

"We could have a perfect life together....one sec while I decide if perfect is what I want right now"

"You think I'm pretty, funny and you love spending time with me....give me a moment to see if you're worthy of being on my arm"

"Your friends think I should date you.....I'm not sure yet if I think your friends are right"

"I was considering making you my man...but you went and kissed a hot girl. F you for not waiting"

"Remember that night when you told me I had all the time in the world to decide?.......LIAR!"

"Remember the time you were pining for me?... I liked that. Let's go back there"

"I'm considering dating you...knowing this, it's time for you to break it off with hot girl. You have 3 weeks"

"You gave me two months to come around....I'm giving you two weeks"

“You should have been more aggressive...it's your fault we aren't together"

"I just wanted to drop you a line to say....actually I have no idea what to say. Do you have any idea what is going on between us?"

"It's our 2-month-iversary of you waiting....here's hoping for many more months of continuing that trend"

"My mom would definitely approve of you....I don't usually side with her"

"It's hard to say what it is I see in you......no really, I have no idea"

"I think you're a nice guy....give me some time to decide whether or not you'll be good enough in bed to warrant upping my number"

"I don't want you be a rebound.....actually I don't know if I want you at all, but I swear I'll figure it out soon"

"Don't feel like you're my second choice.....technically you'll be my 6th"

"Consideration is an unusual quality to find in a guy....and it just fucked you over"

"I was raised to always see the best in people....unfortunately for you a lot of other fuckers have given me a jaded view of what might work out in the end"

"Your lack of disrepectful actions toward me have made me weary...I'm concerned you're a gaybo"

"You have never made me feel bad about myself.....I'm not used to that, please wait while I process this."

"You haven't tried to get in my pants....please wait while I figure out what that means"

"By kissing a really hot chick.....did you by any chance mean that you would still like to date me?"

"Just because I avoid you.....doesn't mean you should stop loving me"

"If you thought I was looking for someone else......you were right, but that didn't mean you were supposed to lose interest"

and the finale...

"Guys ruin my life all the time...and I thought you'd like to have a go. How does next friday sound? P.S. Don't forget to bring your artillery of baggage from previous girls who treated you like shit to take out on me and try your damndest to get in my pants too soon in the relationship. Thanks! See you friday!"