Good is Good

Announcer: Allen and Mandy had the esteemed pleasure of being interviewed by a panel of celebrity musicians about the couple's thoughts on last night's concert. Our illustrious panel includes: Courtney Love, Ozzy Osbourne, Britney Spears and Robbie Williams. (Iggy Pop was also slated to be a member of our panel, however, his failure to submit his urine for the drug test forced us to exclude him.)


Robbie: For some reason, I can't seem to obtain the same massive success here in North America that I have in Europe. I blame blokes like this John Mayer character. His flowing locks, soft sensitive looks and funny faces while playing guitar apparently make him a hunk! How's the chubby guy from Take That (that's me) supposed to compete with that? I mean seriously, I'm clearly more manly in the areas that...WHAT? Why are you interrupting me?! Oh, apparently this interview isn't about me. That's got me balls off the rocker. Very well, *ahem* so, what possessed you to attend this concert involving Mr. Mayer and that foxy lady Sheryl Crow?


Mandy: Well Robbie, I have to say, I'm not entirely surprised by your apparent jealousy of Mr. Mayer's talent and success. Even if he wasn't a hunk-a-hunk-a burnin' love to look at, his excellence in guitar playing is a hotness few girls could resist. If you're looking to hone in on a bit of his fan base, I recommend that you drop the ego and grab an instrument. Once I saw that Sheryl was joining him on the tour, I couldn't resist the great show this promised. Let's face it, she rocks out better than any other woman in the industry at the moment.

Courtney: Um, excuse me, but haven't you heard of my band Hole?? Wait, am I still in that band? Hmmm....anyway, I've been around just as long as Sheryl. Hell, I've gotten around more! Oh wait, maybe I shouldn't have said that. I'd hate to set a bad example for my daughter. How come Mayer never asks to open for me? *sexy purr*

Allen: I'm a huge fan of a lot of music from the past decade but to be honest your "gold dust woman" tune was the only thing I can remember, and I'm fully aware that you covered Fleetwood Mac on that one. Maybe if you had a slew of classic chick rock tunes like Crow, you could share a show with another great artist, until then, I don't know what to tell you.

Britney: Can I just say, I'm looking so good today, and you are too Allen!

Allen: Umm, thanks.



Britney: Hello! Thats your cue to tell me how hot I'm looking these days!!!

Allen: Actually, you're supposed to be helping review the concert we attended.


Britney: I didn't attend the concert silly. I don't know when my next album will be out but it's gonna be great!!


Allen: What? No, no, Mandy and I attended the concert.


Britney: Y'know, Christina is only doing well right now because I'm having babies!





Ozzy: Issa this thingy on?

Allen: That's a banana Mr. Osbourne. There are no mics here.

Mandy: Ri-goddamn-diculous.


Ozzy: Oh well my then laddie, what am I doing here, here then?

Allen: You're helping Robbie, Britney and Courtney to review the concert we attended.




Ozzy: They've all decided to work on my next album? Fantastic now!





Robbie: Clearly this bunch can't stay on topic. Anyhow mates, lets get back to how good I am, much like that fellow and Foxy Crow you saw. Did they cover any tunes? Perhaps one of mine?

Allen: Sheryl did her rendition of 'The first cut is the deepest', it was solid as expected. She was alternating between acoustic and electric guitar while clearly having a good time on stage.

Mandy: Plus, she whipped out a bit of "Satisfaction" in the middle of...


Ozzy: Does anybody want to go out for cheeseburgers?

Mandy: Um, I was talking.




Robbie: Right then, shall we go off and find some birds to shackle up with for the evening Allen? You seem like a swell chap, c'mon let's bag some birds!!

Mandy glares at Robbie, and then at Allen

Allen: Uh, right. I think carrying on with this interview could really boost your exposure here in North America.

Robbie: Exposure! Well, I'm no stranger to that!




Britney: Me too!






Courtney: Am I going to have to show my jugs to prove who the woman is here?




Ozzy: I love cheeseburgers!!!






Robbie: How did Sheryl close out the show?

Allen: Out of nowhere she started unloading a cover of Led Zeppelin's 'Rock 'n Roll'. It was wicked, a highlight for me for sure!

Mandy: Yeah, I'm not a fan of Led Zeppelin, so I could have done without it. However, even I would say that she did a great job of really rockin' it.

Robbie: Did you know I regularly cover Queen's 'We are the champions' in my shows?

Mandy: (muttering) That doesn't surprise me, Princess.

Allen: Actually I did. I have one of your concert DVD's. I'm a fan to be honest.

Mandy: Oh goody, here we go.

Allen: What's that supposed to mean? Are you insinuating yet again that me loving Robbie and the Back Street Boys isn't manly?

Robbie: You like the Back Street Boys? Good god! Now, don't go lumping all us guys from boy bands together. I'm my own artist. Take That was a more exceptional band than BSB ever will be! I feel betrayed that I'm not the only boy band singer that you love, respect, admire and want to emulate, Allen. Deeply disappointed in you...

Ozzy: uhgdjsln fdlshglhiglen klskhfelhkjlgnk lahfd hfudksluylyguhlsjdh!!


Robbie: Riiiiiight...so, there's a question here suggested for me to ask, but I don't care for it much..right then! So how hot was Sheryl lookin?

Allen: Well she's got that long hair goin', and some heels. You'd dig it.

Robbie: Right mate! Doesn't much matter what you sound like as long as you're lookin' fine!




Courtney: I have a question. Britney, how can you be so skanky?




Britney: I'm just being artistic, but you can interpret it however you like!





Courtney: Clearly you're not getting my efforts to start a fight with you so I'm just gonna go ahead and dump this pop on you now!




Britney: Hey!!!






Robbie: You're going to have to take that top off now, it's ruined.




Britney: Yeah, I think you're right. Can you check if my bra is damp?





Robbie: Of course, a gentleman's prerogative!




Courtney: Let's head to the little girls room 'Brit', I'll fix you up REAL good.




Robbie: So close I was..a rare opportunity missed...

Mandy: Not that rare, I'm sure.

Robbie: Oh well, so any big tunes absent from the performances?

Mandy: Actually, yes. I was bummed that Sheryl omitted "All I Wanna Do" from her playlist. And since John's Heavier Things album was so awesome, I would have liked to see him do a couple more songs from it. How about you Allen?

Robbie: Excuse me, but I'M asking the questions there missy. How about you Allen?

Allen: I would have liked to see "Leaving Las Vegas", "There goes the Neighbourhood", "Can't cry anymore", "Sweet child O mine" and "I shall believe" but hey, I'm just being picky. I really don't know what she could have removed. It was all good, all sing along stuff, y'know? Course, her Bond tune "Tomorrow never dies" would have been awesome to sneak in there!

Robbie: Any closing comments Ozzy?




Ozzy: laksujsnfklduf snnkfl ahjshflsah *a-choooo* fhdshlfjdlsy fdshb ass that won't quit anohdkchsjdgy vydjs vjky bejkbtsjky gi djdoh spoon!



Robbie: Riiiiiight.





Anouncer: Stay glued to your computer screens for info about Mandy and Allen's next concert - SLOAN Oct 24.