Unsolved Mysteries

Case # 80 - How Does Nik Antropov Continue to Hold Down A Roster Spot On The Toronto Maple Leafs?


The Facts

HT: 6'6" WT: 230 Age: 26 Position: C/RW NHL Seasons: 6

Career Totals (thus far)- Goals: 60 Assists: 96 = 156 points


Why We're Baffled

-Let's do the math: 60 goals over 6 seasons averages out to 10 goals per season.
Now that may sound alright, but Antropov is expected to score and considering the fact that a fella by the name of Tie Domi (who spent half his career in the penalty box) averages 7 goals per season, something smells fishy here....

-Maybe the team likes this guy's endurance! Oh wait..There's 82 games in a season and he's only managed to stay healthy for more than 66 games twice...Nope, that's not it.

-Maybe the team likes this guy's versatility since he's listed as both a centre AND right winger. Hmm...good thing thats listed on most hockey web sites cuz if you watch this guy in action, you'd have no clue which position he plays! (Does he know which team he's on?)

-Perhaps the organization values his size! At 6' 6" you'd think those long legs would get this guy around, yet once he comes over the boards he seems not to be battling the opposition, but rather his own personal pool of quicksand. Gotta be that intimidating 230 pound frame!! Wait a second, we've NEVER seen him bodycheck anyone.


As Nik Sees It...

We've asked the world's top telepaths to let us in on some of Antropov's thoughts while on the ice this past season. They are as follows:

- "This is the game that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends..."

- "Man, I can't wait for the off-season when I can revel in my love of salsa dancing, my true calling."

- "No, YOU shoot the puck Domi! Just because you're science's greatest find as the missing link doesn't mean you can shout commands at me from the penalty box you scary little ape."

-"----------------------------" (the sound of air rushing through as his teammates skate past)

- "Oh Mats, you've really got to chill out. No need to exhaust yourself. Haven't you heard? We haven't made it to a cup final in ages! Don't hurt yourself trying to get into playoffs! We'd only be wasting a spot for a team who has a snowball's chance in hell."

- "Aw crap, which goal are we shooting at again? Dammit! Why do we have to switch ends every goddamn period?? F this S, I'm putting it in the one closest to me, and if you don't like it, you can suck it. Either way I get my 1.2 million! Mwahhahhaha."

- "Uh oh, Sundin's calling out 'That red 97 play again' and I'm thinking ohhhhh, THAT'S why they wanted me at the last team meeting....I doubt it'll matter much; we're only down by one and we have at least 2 innings left."

-"Man, why won't Quinn put me in for shoot-outs? Has he forgotten so quickly the time I kicked the puck in with the back of my skate when I didn't even know it was there? If that's not talent, I don't know what is. So what if I keep dropping my stick? I clearly don't need it!......................why won't anyone pass to me?"

-"OFFSIDE!?! What the hell is that? Stupid NEW NHL with their stupid NEW rules..."

-"Uh oh, my shift's coming up again...time to head down to the locker room to 'get my equipment checked'. HA! Can't pin this loss on me, mofos!"

-"I'm taller than Sundin....why not captain am me?"

- "Oh Quinn, you're such a drama queen! Your career is not riding on this!"


We've figured it out!

This hockey franchise values the players that are sleek, smooth and give a real showmanship to the sport. The kind of man that makes hockey look as graceful as ice ballet. This guy, my dear friends, is Mr. Nik Antropov. Gretzky, Lemieux, Howe, Orr, eat your hearts out.




DISCLAIMER: Nik, if you're reading this, it's nothing personal. We recognize the positive aspects of your technique and we are confident that it's simply a chemistry issue between you and the rest of the Leafs team. We're sure you could excel playing elsewhere. No hard feelings, it's all in good fun. You may not be the best Leaf, but as long as Domi is around, you're in absolutely no danger of being the weakest link. Uh oh, what's that Allen? Domi's not coming back?! Well, in any case, it's important to realize that not everyone can be the Leaf's top scorer for the season...apparently just the defensemen who step up 'cause you forwards can't seem to get your crap straight can do that. Thank you McCabe for giving us all hope this past season. Antropov, take a couple lessons from Bryan. He'll show you the ropes.


***On a totally different note, we'd like to thank everyone for the nice comments they've been leaving. We're happy to see that people are enjoying our blog! :o)

V for Veracity

V for Vendetta

Starring: Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, Stephen Rea, John Hurt
Director: James Mctigue

THE GOOD: This movie, although seemingly an action flick, is really more of a political drama, which is why I'm inclined to almost label it as brilliant. Rarely does a film justify in advance so thoroughly why action scenes come to pass. Visually, it's also solid, the images will remain in your mind long after viewing, and each character comes across as distinctive and unique. The story is strong, and character development is also put at the forefront.

THE BAD: I've noticed I've become a real stickler for pace, and this film slows a tad in the middle. Yet it's a tradeoff since without it, the story wouldn't be as fullfilling so I guess it's all good.

THE UGLY: As I've previously stated, this movies solid.

VERDICT: The Wachowski Brothers, who wrote this film, previously brought us the absolute mess known as the Matrix trilogy. The first film was brilliant, the second average, and the third a disappointment. Thus, although i'm tempted to say I'd like to see some sequels to "V", I'm concerned they'd just ruin this one too. However, if you thought the first Matrix was great for it's uniqueness, you'll likely appreciate this film in a similar fashion. Another likely purchase for me at a reasonable price.

RATING: 4.5 (out of 5)



***Mandy's Review :o)***

"People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people."

This is just one of the many thought-provoking quotes in this movie. It has elements of 1984 mixed with the real-life stuff that went down in Hitler's Germany making it reminiscent of a time that we've endured before, ultimately lending itself to a forseeable circumstance in the future. V, like any movie of it's kind, is designed precisely to comment on what could be and the importance of recognizing that before it's too late to fix; and, of course, what is the case now but perhaps in more subtle ways. It was nothing short of brilliant.

As expected, the acting was perfect. Yes, I went as far as to say perfect. Natalie Portman (my generation's only current hope for giving rise to a "Meryl Streep" among all the "Kirsten Dunsts") was exceptional. I believed every word she said and she did an incredible job of showing how much her character changed through the course of the movie. This is expected of her, since she's always incredible, but still, it is noteworthy. As for Hugo who played V, he was also incredible! Acting with a mask on is no easy feat, and he did it so well that you were oblivious to the mask the majority of the time.

The story is entirely solid and well within the parameters of believability. An excellent job is done of giving sufficient background for the characters' lives and the political environment that gave rise to this particular circumstance. Rich in story and appropriate action where applicable. I'd go as far as to say this is the best movie I've seen this year, perhaps the best movie of it's kind, and definitely the best movie based on a graphic novel that I've witnessed...and that's saying a lot since I like movies based on graphic novels!

I have nothing negative to say about it. The parts Allen felt were slow-moving I found interesting due to the amount of story being offered to me. You simply MUST see it. In fact, if this sounds at all like something you'd totally love, save yourself the money of renting it and just buy it when it's being sold as previously-viewed. I know I will...if i can wait that long!

Star Appeal: ***** without question

The Chemistry Majors Are At It Again!

THE LAKE HOUSE

Starring: Keanu Reeves, Sandra Bullock, and Christopher Plummer
Director: Alehandro Agresti

Review by Allen:

THE GOOD: The fact that Keanu and Sandra are in a movie together again!! After their explosive chemistry in the classic 'SPEED', over a decade ago, I'd been itching to see these two in a film together again. (Should have been SPEED 2 but Keanu opted not to reprise his role, likely after reading the craptacular script, anyways..)I love these two actors so this movie would have to be really poorly done for me to have not enjoyed it. It even has solid tearjerker moments (thank heavens I was in a dark theatre, "sniff, sniff,") Acting chops are showcased in this film in my opinion from two big names known for carrying blockbusters with little depth, here though they show why they are leading actors. I won't get into too much because I don't want to ruin it for anyone!

THE BAD: Nothing for me here, but if you're someone who doesn't care for the lead actors, or supporting cast members like Plummer (playing Reeves' father) you could perhaps find the film a bit slow paced. To be honest though I've seen action films that take longer to go anywhere.

THE UGLY: Not applicable

VERDICT: I plan to buy this movie for a reasonable price, there's just too many things about it not to like, and I've dug Bullock since I was like, 15, so yeah, I'm sold! Take a chance on this one, you shouldn't be disappointed!

RATING: 4.5 (out of 5)



***Mandy's Review :o)***

Mmm Mmm Good: Well, I doubt there's anyone on the planet that would disagree with me when I say that the chemistry Sandra and my beloved Keanu share onscreen is exceptional. This has been true since Speed and did not disappoint us last night. There's just something about the way they interact that makes it seem so natural; a lot less like you're watching a movie and a lot more like you're just watching the lives of two people. Needless to say, I enjoyed the film quite a bit. It sucks you in quickly and you find yourself really connecting with the characters and the story.

In fact, I liked it so much that I don't even have anything negative to say, either about the movie or Allen's review of it, this time. :p

Listen Up: This movie will most certainly be a part of my collection when the time comes. I suggest you drive/walk/run to the nearest video rental place on September 26 to enjoy the dreamy Keanu, who has much improved his acting, and the beautiful Sandra who never seems to disappoint.

Star Appeal: almost *****